Anyway, as I turn thirty-two today I realize that I needed to say a big thank you to you.  I know, don’t fall out or anything, but in all seriousness I really wanted to say thank you.  I thought about it last night and over the last thirty-two years I have been incredibly blessed in my life, particularly over this last year.  I was able to work with people for over a decade, sharing with them their best moments in life and their worst.  I was able to help individuals release secrets that had been plaguing their lives for years and reclaim their happiness.  I was able to mark several things off of my live list, including kissing the most beautiful woman in the world, and finding the courage to follow my heart and find my true happiness.  I would say all in all it has been one fabulous ride, and I can’t wait to see what is next.

I know the ride hasn’t always been easy.  For the days that I ended up exhausted, in tears, and screaming at you that I couldn’t handle anything else and I was done, thank you for continuing to push me past my limits.  You have shown me just how strong I am and how much I am capable of.  My only hope is that I can spend the next how many years I am here encouraging and inspiring others to be able to take risks, push through roadblocks and live with passion, gratitude, and above all else happiness.

I also know the ride is only just beginning, and there is a lot more for me on my journey, tough times as well as amazing times, and yes, I’m sure we will have to go through that teach Lanea patience lesson a few more thousand times.  I know the tough times only help me to recognize all that I do have in my life.

Thank you for my friends, my family, and my courage and strength to do what even I think is all out crazy and ridiculous at times.  I read in a horoscope book once that May 11^th birthdays are known for being out there in their eccentric ways, and have a tendency to do and think very differently than everyone else.  That when we speak the people who know us usually hold their breath, and after we have spoken those same people usually gasp.  I just wanted to let you know that you definitely didn’t miss the mark with me.  Thank you!

Lanea

Last night I finally had the OWN network in my hotel room and tuned in to Oprah’s Life class: the tour.  Again, not surprisingly the universe put a message in front of me to focus on being grateful and saying thank you, only this time I decided to listen to the message.

It is easy to get focused on ourselves and what we don’t have in our lives, even to the point that we don’t realize just how much we do have.  I’ll be the first to admit that not only do I take a lot of things in my life for granted, and consistently sell myself and my accomplishments short.  I, like a lot of people constantly need reminders to be nicer to myself.  While I do try to feel grateful for my accomplishments and the people in my life, I always find it helpful to have a reminder to do so.

Today as you go along your day think about how it is the first day of a brand new month, and it is the month of May, which I think it the best month of the whole year.  Okay, maybe I am a little partial given that it is my birthday month, but still.  Take a minute to focus on all the things in your life that you are grateful for.  Remember, we create our reality.  If we choose to focus on what we don’t have, we are putting our fire and passion into the negative.  If we choose to focus on what it is we do have, and what we are grateful for, we are putting that passion into the positive. Start your day with gratitude and giving thanks to yourself, your accomplishments, and all the wonderful things and people who surround you.

It is one thing to be a helping professional and know what other people need to do to get a hold on their lives, but it is another thing to actually take that advice and use it yourself.  She wasn’t telling me anything that I didn’t know I needed to be doing.  I knew that I had yet once again invoked my everyday superhero status and was setting myself up for failure.  The truth is we all know what we should be doing in our lives to make it better, but for some reason we seem to think the answers are good enough for others, but not for ourselves.  I think my friend said it best when she said, “I don’t know why we keep thinking we can do everything and all at once at that, but here I am giving you this advice and I know darn well I should be taking it myself.”

In my continued attempt to battle this everyday superhero I feel like I need to be, I am actually taking some of the advice that I frequently give to others.  I am slowing down and creating a list of items that I can accomplish in my day.  Okay, I’ll be honest, I didn’t get the list down to one thing, but I think from five hundred down to six is a good start.

Today as you go along your day and think about the advice that you are giving to others, or the advice you have given, remember to take it yourself.  After all people actually model what you do way more than they follow what you say.

I think one of the hardest things we can do is finding something to be grateful for around negative situations or people around us.  It really makes us open up and find positive in what feels like at times unending negativity.  By finding the positive we are only conditioning ourselves more to be grateful and to truly appreciate all that is around us.  I facebooked something earlier this week about not realizing how great it is to not have ants in your car, until you actually have them in your car.  Trust me, it really sucks to have ants in your car.  We tend to forget that things can be a whole lot more negative than they actually are.  By being grateful for all things that are around us, negative and positive we are putting more gratitude out into the universe, and therefore will receive more in return. Sometimes we do have to trust and let go, because those negative feelings are only preventing room for new more positive feelings to move into our lives.

Every day we are given choices in life; we can choose to take the path that may at first look safer, but ends up costing us a lot in the long run.  We can also choose to take the risk and learn exactly what we are capable of.

When I set up to move across the country there were, and are for that matter a lot of people who thought I was crazy for giving up my job and completely turning my life upside down.  I’ll be honest, even after starting my journey I still have to deal with fear on occasion.  I worry that I made a wrong decision, or fear that something might go wrong.  The truth is we never know what can happen.  We might take risks and they might not work out. When I start to think that maybe it would be better to make the “safer” choice, I think about a favorite patient of mine who was battling a fear that was keeping her locked in her home.  She said, “I am tired of staying cooped up in my house all day, because I realize even though I’m trying to protect myself from life on the outside, I’m not living here inside my house.”

The greatest power that any of us have is the power of choice.  Every single morning that we wake up we are presented with a choice to follow a life of fear, or to tell fear to move aside and reclaim our happiness and possibilities.  The choice is always yours, so why not choose happiness today.

I once again have found myself racing around into oblivion.  It seems no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to find that space for myself.  I realize this probably sounds ironic given that I am on a permanent vacation, but seriously it has been a struggle.  I am trying to make sure I am seeing everything I want to see, keep up with an online writing class, all the while trying to maintain two different blogs, finish up my memoir and read that book I have been meaning to read, and—you get the picture.  I will start off with good intentions and plan to accomplish something, but then I become so scattered that I am switching and starting something different.  The end result is a bunch of unfinished tasks.

I had an eye opening experience as I was driving down the highway where James Dean was killed yesterday.  I started thinking about how warm I was getting in the car, but didn’t want to try on the air conditioning, because I didn’t want to eat up gasoline faster than I had to.  I was sitting there trying to figure out if I was actually hot enough to turn on the air conditioning, and made this big old spectacle about how I was burning up and would die if I didn’t get any air.  I started literally having an argument with myself that I was worth the extra two some odd dollars that would be used in gasoline by using the air conditioning.  Maybe it was the crazy desert air, or James Dean spirit playing with me, but I was seriously starting to contemplate my mental health.  Then it happened, amid all of this chaos the miracle that I was looking for presented itself to me.  It was as if a bright light appeared, and the all of the confusion and chaos completely went, literally right out the window, as I reached over and pressed the window button down.  I couldn’t help but chuckle for the unneeded stress I had just caused myself only a few moments prior to this experience, but then thanked the universe for the reminder that if we don’t slow down it can be hard to see the forest for the trees.

The exercise starts off by having the students think about first waking up in the morning.  She asks how many use an alarm clock to wake up with.  She then asks her students to think of all of the people who made that alarm possible. The people who manufactured the material, the people who designed the clock, those who manufactured the parts, those who assembled the clock, packaged it up, those who delivered the clock to the store, those that put it on the shelf, those that rang the clock up once it was purchased, and so on. She has them then think about how even their act of getting up in the morning is dependent on all of these individuals, most of whom they have never met.

American society likes to put a lot of value on “I”, and “you”. We like to think that it is all about us against the world, but the truth is we couldn’t do anything without the help of others.  We are all dependent upon one another.

As you go on your day today, think about how many people made everything you are doing possible, and thank them. Even though it may seem like we are fighting alone against the world at times, we are all on the same team.

All of us at one time or another have experienced feeling as though we are in a dark tunnel in our lives.  I, myself have been in this place before, and it is easy to get lost in the darkness of self-doubt and fear. Remember the opposite of fear is faith.  There is nothing that you can’t do if you want it bad enough and believe in yourself.  Even though there may be times that you feel as though  you are surrounded in that dark tunnel, there is always a light at the end.

As I sit here in my garage I guess the universe gave me the knock to the head that I needed. Sure, anyone could have locked themselves out of their house the night before their cross country move, but I know the universe all too well.  This was definitely one of those brick wall moments where I was no longer being asked to slow down, but being told.

Some people might be upset that they had to spend two hours in the garage, while their whole life came screeching to an abrupt halt, but to be honest I’m not complaining.  Instead of getting frustrated I thanked the universe.  You see before this moment I was running around like a mad woman.  The universe was even nice enough to offer me “friendly” slow down suggestions.  There was that song playing over the intercom in Target, and I knew exactly what the universe was trying to tell me, because I remember telling the universe, “yeah, yeah, I know I need to slow down, but just give me like a few more minutes to finish up.”  Just like a parent setting boundaries with a child, my minutes were up when my hand hit the door handle and all I heard was “click, click.”

I decided to make the best out of a bad situation.  I ate my dinner in a little picnic on the floor of the garage and caught up on reading Glee fanfiction.  Of course it is me, so you know the universe didn’t let me off the hook this easily.  I tried my best to relax, not even calling the locksmith before eating my dinner.  Of course then when I did call them I had to wait another 45 minutes for them to get to my home.  Then, as if by magic, somewhere between where this locksmith started driving and when he arrived at my home the price for picking the lock had increased times five. The universe knows I can’t handle a lack of integrity.  The universe knew what I would do, pay the man the minimum and send him back home, and that is exactly what I did.  I was again left in my garage, having to call a locksmith.  Five numbers later I finally found a man who would let me in my house for a decent price, well, monetary wise.  The next 40 minutes were spent literally spelling every word I said, and trying to give directions to  a very anxious man, while trying not to laugh at the insanity of the situation.  My sister however, was laughing away as I tried to start spelling only to be abruptly interrupted, and then having to start all over again. Ah universe, you do make me smile.

So what have I learned from the chaos of this situation?  Well, the most important is that laughter really is the best medicine.  Life is way too short to get all upset over something you have no control over.  Oh, and also, next time I get those friendly reminders, maybe just maybe I will listen.

Flipping through the pages and reading each poem, I could feel my grandmother’s presence with me, as if she was sitting right next to me on the bed telling me her stories.  In one of her poems she talked about her childhood and how she and her sister would imagine going to faraway places. My grandmother’s place was Denver.  Why Denver she didn’t know, only that she had read about it in a book and liked the way it sounded.  It was then that I really discovered where my passion for traveling and seeing the world came from.

I don’t have a lot of memories of my granny, but I do remember her incredible sense of adventure, her childlike enthusiasm, and her willingness to try new things, even when it meant overcoming fear.  It made me think of a quote from the movie We Bought a Zoo. “Sometimes you only need twenty seconds of insane courage.”  With
imagination and with courage we really can do anything.  It was then I really truly knew that someone was not only standing up and cheering me on as I go on this crazy adventure, but really understanding the passion and the reason why.