It was a typical night last night. I met up with my bestie, we went out to dinner, and to the Walmart parking lot to listen to the radio and play the IPOD game. Just to catch you up to speed the IPOD game is where you ask the universe a question while speaking into some sort of microphone device (cell phones, sunglasses, and coke bottles all are good choices) and the universe gives you answers through the next song on the radio or on your IPOD. Doubt or laugh if you must, but this is seriously the best game ever. Anyway, we sat there listening for our answers, but as hard as we were trying to understand the meaning to our songs, we just weren’t. It didn’t make any sense, we had said all of the right stipulations, we had asked for the universe not to be subtle, and we asked for clarification songs, but we still weren’t connecting. Then the best thing happened, we broke out and started doing our crazy interpretive dance. Before I knew it the beanie I was wearing was now on my hand and had become a puppet. At first there were some eye rolls from my bestie, but before long her beanie was on her hand and we were singing at the top of our lungs, ironically the same wrong lyrics to the songs, and dancing away with our now beanie puppets. Pretty soon the water bottles were coming out and they were our microphones to our craziness. By this time we had forgotten all about the questions we had asked, and were laughing, singing, and car dancing the night away.
Later that night when we said our goodbyes, we were both wearing smiles that were lighting up the darkened sky around us. She called me soon after we drove our separate ways to remind me that those fun loving girls are our true genuine selves, and even though we have gotten better at letting them out, we still keep them locked up and stifled entirely too much. We often try so hard to be those serious ladies that everyone wants us or needs us to be, but the reality is it is we are the car dancing, laughing girls. We are the girls who have danced down a flight of stairs at six in the morning, randomly got our hair curled at a mall kiosk, ate churros and ice cream until she had to take my phone from me, because I was the equivalent of drunk texting people from my sugar high. Okay, well she took it away after she had a few laughs, but she did eventually take it away. We have danced down the aisles of pretty much every late night store open between Olympia and Seattle. We frequent restaurants where you can throw peanuts on the floor, not because either one of us really likes peanuts, we just enjoy chucking the shells across the restaurant. When I stop to think about it, this is truly the best part of me. The girl that when she drinks caffeine or has sugar is seriously off the wall crazy, the girl who cannot stand still if any music is playing, or not playing for that matter as there is still usually music playing in my head, the girl who will dance in the middle of the room like no one is watching, and has an endless supply of energy. She’s the girl who shows up to a date wearing a scarf with Christmas lights threaded through it, and eyeglasses made of broken up pieces of candy cane. The girl who when she goes to meet another one of her friends and finds her sitting behind an iron gate at a restaurant will climb the gate and start reciting Romeo and Juliet scenes, because well that is what you do when someone is sitting behind an iron gate. Ironically, it is the part of me that I always keep hidden from those that I should be opening myself up more to. I for whatever reason have no problem being my fun loving quick witted self with strangers, or with people I am good friends with, but with people I am first getting to know I am so much more reluctant. I guess it is because it is the true part of myself that I value the most, and at the same time people either love that part of me or can’t handle it, and we all know people love to judge. I have been constantly asked if I take some sort of illicit substance, if I’m drunk, manic, have thyroid problems, going through a phase, you name it I have been asked it. BTW even though I don’t think any of these questions are deserving of an answer, the answer to all of them is no. I think people have a hard time understanding it is absolutely possible to completely let go and just be who you are and not give a flying flip about what other people think.
I have decided to make a declaration. I have spent the majority of my life locking up my fun endless energetic self, and I’m not doing it anymore. I am permanently breaking her out. Sure, I could make myself sit down when there is music playing I want to dance to, or not refer to every new friend I meet with pet names like gorgeous, beautiful, or sexy lady, but then I wouldn’t be being myself and well I love who I am. I guess it is about me learning and all of us learning to be whoever we are regardless of what anyone else thinks. I have always told people that they can’t put me in a box, and well I am tired of trying to in order to make those around me more comfortable. Now if you will excuse me I have some superglued candy cane on my fingers that needs to be removed.